Reflection

 

Participating in the summer institute was of great value to me. As Brian stated, "I want the first 15 years of my teaching back." When we first converged last May, I thought I would do something along the lines of "Rights of Passage", or "Life's Celebrations". Hence, the first thing I wrote was about my proposals of marriage, all THREE of them. As I reflected over that piece, I realized it had more depth than just something to celebrate. I came to the conclusion that I was really revealing the anxiety I felt over becoming a stepmother.

 

This revelation drove me to really think about my life for the past 23 years. There have been many, many trials for me. Having to raise children who want to fight you every step of the way can be disastrous to your marriage. Luckily for me, my husband was a silent, driving force of support. While his quietness drives my kids crazy, I find solace in it. That is not to say that he won’t be the first to tell me when I am in the wrong. It just so happens that the kids find great joy in this situation when it happens!

 

In addition to the support of my husband, I have been lucky in that my “step” children love me. Even the one not currently speaking to us. I use quotations around the word “step” when I write because my second daughter, Nicole, made a comment when Sam & I first decided to get married, that she didn’t want to be someone’s “step” child. From that point on, they were my “children”. However, she is the one who recently distanced herself from us. I feel that this still stems from the desire to not be assiciated with being a "step" child.

 

As I was thinking about the multigenre project, I remembered this conversation with Nicole and the anxiety she had over that dreaded word “step”, and all of the negatives it brings about. This is where my multigenre became about the negatives surrounding stepmothers. I have always found evil and wicked strange adjectives for stepmothers since all any true mother wants for a child is to provide them with a loving, caring environment in which to thrive.

 

Nicole seems to be the one who really analyzed the ending of her parents' marriage and the beginning of mine. Remembering these conversations and Nicole’s negative perceptions of stepfamilies drove me in my search for positive examples of stepmothers, which then led me to my letter to Disney. I found it disheartening that my search did not lead me to any movies for young children that put a positive spin on blended families. The ones that did, such as Blended, starring Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, were not actually about a blended family where the parents get married and live together.

 

My golden thread through each piece of writing is the struggles a stepmother faces within herself. The guilt, the blame game, trying to stay strong, the tears, the prayers…all of this is anxiety inducing, and the lack of confidence a stepmother faces when raising someone else’s children can push you to the breaking point. I wanted to convey to my readers that this stereotype is not a valid one. It was my intention to tell the reader that stepmothering is HARD, it caused cracks in the foundation of who the woman believes herself to be. I found myself on many occasions wondering if I was going to make it through.

 

As I find myself looking forward to planning for school in September, I am thinking on how I will implement all of the things I have learned from the institute into my classroom. After reading Fearless Writing by Tom Romano in the spring, I attempted a small version of the multigenre concept with my students about the ending of their time in middle school. The writing I received from them was amazing. My students worked harder and more thoughtfully on that project than any other writing assignment I have given. Giving my students many little ideas to write about daily, then leading them to choose one or two to develop further certainly helped them to think more deeply about their writing. I intend to follow this approach as I make my way into the 2015-2016 school year.